New Year, Be Me

Through my self-discovery journey, I've written down my first authenticity statement. Leave it here as a reminder for me when I feel lost!

Can't believe it's 15 days away from 2021!!! Where did 2020 go?!!!! Since it's near the end of the year, this is usually the time to reflect on the past year and set new year resolutions. I've started looking back on 2020 lately, trying to piece together memories from pictures I took and Instagram stories I've posted. I think collectively, 2020 taught us a lot. It is hard for everyone in different ways on different levels. Regardless how hard it has been, I feel like I have to thank 2020.

Sure I've complained and shared memes about 2020 and laughed about it with friends. But when I sat down and really think about it, there are so much to be grateful for. I'm grateful for my health, my families health; I'm grateful for still have a job and being able to work from home; I'm grateful for few of my mental break downs; I'm grateful for the ability to stay comfortably at home; I'm grateful for the fights Alex and I had (at least I got someone to fight with), and of course his support; I'm grateful for my friends who's always there for me; I'm grateful for internet, and list goes on.

The biggest reason for me to thank 2020 though is the fact that it gave me space to reflect, it gave me reasons to slow down and spend time with myself, which I never did. Ever since I moved to the U.S., I've always been on the go, hustling and trying to get a degree, make money, and chase the so called American dream. I've always felt like I'm behind. At age 21, I needed to start college again, by the time I finished my bachelor degree, my friend in China already got their PHDs. And I feel like I'm always floating between two language and two cultures, I don't know either well. Language for example, I'm not as good as I wanted to be at English, but also no longer good at Chinese, very sad! So much I focused on was what I didn't have, what I'm not good at, and how can I fit in. Not until this past month I realized how important it is to celebrate who I am - the in between person. And not chasing the societal standards, and trying to fit in the preset buckets.

So in 2021, I will work on being myself, learn to trust myself more and be more confident. Be me, rather than me trying to be someone else.